Disc-Oracle Cozmik Debris Prognosticaor

Zelda's Inferno exercise: 1) create your own astrological system, or 2) write a fable

Disc-Oracle Cozmik Debris Prognosticaor for June 26, 2011:

Unicorn: The arrangement of traffic is particularly auspicious today. A house trailer in your Beltway indicates good fortune on the domestic front.

Cockatrice: Mercury is in retrograde, so any old thermometers you may own will run backwards. Time to upgrade to digital.

Yeti: Matters of money are highlighted today. Sew up the hole in your pocket.

Cyclops: The moon is in your seventh house. You must have been hit hard by the real estate downturn. Good time to diversify your portfolio.

Spriggan: The astrological omens are unclear. Ask again when the clouds clear up.

Sphinx: Some celebrity whose birthday is within a week or two of yours once said or did something inspiring. Don't you wish to emulate that?

Mermaid: GPS satellites are in the constellation of Ursa Major. Be careful not to get lost and eaten by a bear.