This week's Zelda's Inferno exercise: your first decree as master of the world
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. As, by the grace of the divine, I take up the mantle of Emperor of Earth and Protector of the Moon, I make the following my first Imperial Decree:
Imprimus: the fighting-over-religion thing. Cut it out. I hereby declare that every religion is true, so you no longer need to prove the correctness of yours. And I declare that every religion is false, so you no longer need to prove your neighbor's wrong. There, done. Moving on...
Secundus: the sticking-your-nose-into-other-peoples-business thing. Cease and desist. It's none of your business what consenting adults do to themselves or their friends. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll are no reason to lock people in cages. If it doesn't affect you, you don't get a say in it. You will henceforth live and let live.
Tertius: the mine-mine-mine-and-you-can't-have-it thing. My loyal subjects, we're all in this together. We've go to share the planet. To that end, we will be downsizing the Imperial Palace, and re-assigning half of the Royal Army to be the Royal House-Building and Feeding People Corps. Every single person on the planet is entitled to, and will have, a warm, dry, safe place to sleep. And on a planet this fertile, inhabited by people as clever as we are, there is no excuse for people going hungry. On my watch, everybody eats.
Quartus: the letting-sick-people-die-in-the-gutter thing. My people, please familiarize yourself with the idea that disease is communicable. If your neighbor has the flu or tuberculosis, it is in your interest that he see a doctor ASAP. Therefore basic medical care will be available to all starting immediately.
Quintus: in conclusion, it's time for us to grow up and behave ourselves. And part of that is to stop looking for others to lead us. Therefore, as I take the throne, I hereby forever and irrevocably abolish the office and position of Emperor. I'm going on permanent vacation. You'll have to make your own decisions. Good luck.