res ipsa loquitur

Man saves dog from imaginary fire

Fifth points for courage and wanting to save a dog. Minus fifty for mixing LSD with DXM, and another minus fifty for not taking basic psychedelic precautions like having a sober friend around.

Troopers: Man mixing LSD and cough syrup saves dog from imaginary fire (WNYT NewsChannel 13)

HALFMOON -- A Halfmoon man allegedly broke into his neighbor's house to save the family dog from a fire, Thursday night. However, there was no fire. Troopers say he was on LSD and hallucinating.

Troopers say 43-year-old Michael Orchard of Inglewood Drive told them he mixed LSD with cough medicine Thursday afternoon and they found him, standing heroically with a dog in his arms outside of what he thought was a giant inferno.

"He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the dog," said Trooper Mark Cepiel, Troop G Spokesperson.

muggers got medieval on his ass

So, yeah, then this happened. Given the trivial availability of guns in Baltimore City, my guess this guy wasn't wielding a flail because he couldn't get a piece; it's interesting that the attacker apparently struck the intended victim and then made a demand that he turn over his phone.

Man in Patterson Park attacked with medieval weapon (baltimoresun.com)

According to a police report, the man said he was sitting in the grass in Patterson Park next to the baseball field on Thursday night at about 8 p.m. when four juveniles, about 14 to 16 years old, came up to him.

One of them was wielding a "ball and chain," and struck him in the face as the others stood by, the report says. The weapon is called a "mace" in the report but could also be referred to as a flail.

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Turkish double wife killer: "I won't kill number 3"

" "The woman who will marry me should not be afraid that I would kill her." Now there's a true romantic.

'I won't kill number 3', says Turkish double wife killer (Yahoo News)

A Turkish man who was kicked out of a TV dating show after revealing he had killed his two previous partners made a stirring romantic pitch by vowing not to kill a third wife.

The audience of the "Luck of the Draw" game show was gobsmacked Thursday when Sefer Calinak, a bald 62-year-old contestant sporting a heart-framed name tag, calmly explained he was a convicted double murderer.

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concealed carry in the, um, nether regions

Maybe she got confused by the "this my rifle, this is my gun" thing?

Teen Arrested With Loaded Gun In Vagina: Cops (The Huffington Post)

Cops say a Tennessee teen who got arrested for driving with a suspended license on Monday had a surprise in store for police.

When a female corrections officer at Kingsport jail performed a search on 19-year-old Dallas Archer, she allegedly discovered an "unknown object" lodged in the young woman's crotch. She alerted another female officer, who accompanied her during a further examination, according to documents obtained by the Smoking Gun.

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right wing "Boats 'N Hoes" PAC shut down

Perhaps it was intended as a (stupid and misogynist) April Fool's joke of some sort?

PAC to Shut Down After Name Draws Furor, by Aman Batheja (The Texas Tribune)

A Texas political action committee called Boats 'N Hoes PAC will be just a memory by Thursday, according to the Republican political consultant who is the boss of the man who started it.

Houston consultant Allen Blakemore confirmed Wednesday evening that his firm’s bookkeeper, Shaun Nowacki, started the PAC, which is a reference to a song from the 2008 film Step Brothers....

... Nowacki filed paperwork with the Texas Ethics Commission to create the PAC on April 1 and named himself treasurer. The PAC has not filed any fundraising reports since its creation two weeks ago. It is the only PAC Nowacki is listed with on the Texas Ethics Commission’s website.

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dogs line up to the Earth's magnetic field to poop

From the "maybe my job isn't so bad" department: research published in Frontiers in Zoology demonstrates that dogs have small but definite preference to line up with the Earth's magnetic field with doing their doody:

Frontiers in Zoology | Abstract | Dogs are sensitive to small variations of the Earth's magnetic field

bonobo makes fire: "Give me the power of man's red flower / So I can be like you"

In the Disney version of The Jungle Book, King Louie famously sings of his desire to master fire:

Now don't try to kid me, mancub

I made a deal with you

What I desire is man's red fire

To make my dream come true

Give me the secret, mancub

Clue me what to do

Give me the power of man's red flower

So I can be like you

Kanzi the bonobo not only shares this fascination with fire, but can use a lighter to start one, putting to rest the myth that the "dumb beasts" fear fire.

black church owns KKK store building

From the beautiful irony department: a South Carolina circuit court judge has ruled that New Beginnings Baptist Church, a "black church" according to the AP, owns the building housing the "Redneck Shop", a disgusting little business which runs a Klan museum and sells such winning merchandise as KKK robes and T-shirts with racial slurs.

The Redneck Shop runs out of an old movie theater in Laurens, about 70 miles northwest from Columbia. SC. It's been there since 1996, but in 1997 in-fighting within the KKK, and possibly someone seeing the light, resulted in one the Klansmen transferring the building to church ownership.

While a clause in the deed entitles proprietor John Howard, the former KKK grand dragon for the Carolinas who is the store's proprietor, to run his store in the buildng until he dies, the delightful-ness of this irony remains.

time: it's complicated

As the year opens, it's worth taking a moment to reflect on the subject of time.

Time-keeping is complicated. A great example is the recent movement of the international date line to put Samoa and Tokelau on the other side, as the U.S. declines in relative importance as a trading parter compared to Australia, New Zealand, and China.

Time exists at the intersection of cosmology, biology, culture, politics, economics, and technology. The cosmological aspects of time are tricky enough, with at least two different but useful ways to define a year, the "solar year" (or" tropical year"), and the "sidereal year". Neither year works out to an even number of days -- and there are slightly different ways to define "day", as well.

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